Last night was not a comfortable, usual one. The distress was felt which is though not a new thing to me still it was not the same one. When I’m constantly praying and doing my bit of struggle to improve my life, always looking for ways to explore the world outside as well as within me; then, some uncouth, selfish inhabitants of this world brutally take away lives that are divinely meant to coexist in this beautiful world.
It’s impossible for me to understand any reason for destruction. Disagreements lead to arguments or at the most, one can ignore or avoid confrontations but only in my own little world. It shivered each of my tiny cells inside my body when someone took this beautiful life away from other people.
It’s equally hard to explain it to kids who are still learning-honesty is the best policy, stealing and abusing is bad, we must help each other, etc. Please do not scare these little kids who are into the process of building their dreams and hoping and waiting them to realise in our world.
People think they are grown up once they start working or get married. I feel that I have still not reached that point of realisation, feeling grown up. I’m married. I have worked for quite some time though quitted the job to raise my children and take care of my home and family. I’m still growing. I’m not talking of the physical age, you know it. I’m still doubtful of my decision even when I instruct my children to do something or not to do something. Though my intentions are always to protect them and do good for them but I am not sure about the way I’m leading their way. I’m learning parenthood. I feel nervous. Am I doing good enough for them? Am I doing right for them? I cannot call my decisions as a perfect one but I just try to be making them one. I still feel need to be guided. But sadly, there is no one to guide. I just pray to God and bless me with the capability and understanding to do best for my children.
I remember, being a child I had so much faith and trust on my parents. I still feel that they cannot be wrong about anything. Will my children have that kind of faith on me?
After accepting these facts, I feel a kind of strength within myself that only a mother can feel. Whatsoever dilemma I face, I feel that my instincts and experience prove to be right in the upbringing of my children. Enjoying parenthood rather than feeling stressful about my decisions is the best way I can feel confident and lead a good example for my kids.