I Love you TWO
Love it or hate it, it’s going to be here
It’s ego for some, self respect for me
It’s beneath my skin, not so visible
But it’s there, I’m pretty much sure.
Fear of losing it might make me bitter
My love for you, still is the winner
Don’t ask for more, I won’t prefer
Walk with me, let not it shatter.
It’s blooming, blossoming with life
Let it breathe, give some peace
You’ll find a better me, a better you
And that’s what for we together are.
A few months back, my eight year old boy did his school project on ‘Helping Hands‘. He was so thrilled with the concept that everyday, he started telling me ‘new’ areas in which he could be a helping hand to others, of course in his own little way. I was feeling proud that my little boy is having learning of his life and he is loving and enjoying it until that night, when he whispered, “mamma, you are very kind. You are a great help”. He slept then.
I could barely sleep that night. What have I done in my life? Did my child make a sarcastic remark on me? Had I helped anyone? I could not remember a single instance. I had always been engrossed in my work. So selfish. Except for doing some household work, MY household work, I had never thought of being a help to anyone. I had done nothing for a social cause. No NGOs. Never adopted any pet. People are doing so much for girl education, old people, health, environment, there’s so much to do in this world. What I had done so far? Nothing. Oh, really, nothing, nothing for the society. My child had shook my conscience. I was feeling like a culprit. Actually, it must have been always there somewhere inside me. But I had been ignoring it. And now my child’s statement churned my thoughts and the guilt came out.
With heavy heart and mild headache,I started MY work, the usual morning chores, the next day. I prepared breakfast. Kids woke up at usual time. I was standing with a glass of milk beside their bed, it was MY usual work, as they have a habit of drinking milk, the first thing in the morning. That morning, I was feeling ashamed of not doing even my usual work properly. I should have inculcated the habit of drinking water as the first thing in the morning, but I could not even do this simple task, how can I be of any help to the society?
My child, at first did not notice anything unusual, I thought so. But, after getting ready for the school, at the breakfast table he enquired about my dull mood. I tried to give arbitrary answer that he did not understand. He just said, “Mamma.Visit a doctor if you are not feeling well. I need your help in all my things. Otherwise, I would not be able to do this week’s Helping Hand work in my school’s cleanliness drive”. THAT felt nice.
Actually, now I think that I was looking for some kind of appreciation for what I’m doing. We all want acceptance, or better, appreciation. Everyone looks for it. Humility and modesty is okay but still, we always love to be appreciated. That gives us a sense of being important even if it’s for one person or for one cause. This would, in turn boosts our morale and we continue to be a good human being. If appreciation would not be required, there would be no awards, trophies or any other kind of recognition given to anyone.
I got appreciation from my little one. But still, helping society in some way is there in my mind and if given right opportunity at right time I would love to work for some good cause. We all, should.
Ready to Fly
Have you seen my wings?
I took it out and paused for a while
Must’ve messed it with worldly things.
Want, again, to fly
Sky is there, that’s all I see, today
Time lost, desires not withered away.
It’s fresh within, intense fire and light
Gathered all gears, just poised
Prepared to take my long due flight.
Adventure in my life
‘You’ll have an adventurous life’, a local and my aunt’s trusted astrologer, panditji had once said so. It was more than a decade ago. I wanted to laugh then, but didn’t. Adventure? In my life? I don’t allow myself to take risks. One can never find me carefree. I hesitate to go on a new path. And to top it all, I have motion sickness! I would rather prefer sitting idle at home than to travel a few kilometres, popping an anti vomiting pill (resulting in nausea), just to have fun! No way. So I’m disqualified to be an adventurer. It’s better not to take these kind of predictions seriously.
Then, later, on one day, after almost fifteen years I suddenly realised my life is, and has been an adventurous one. I had not travelled much yet in my life but I started feeling adventure, thrill and excitement just by living in my way. I’m expected to handle the unexpected. Isn’t this a type of adventure?
When I had to run at 9 pm to buy stationery for my kids, as that is the time they suddenly remember about their teacher’s instructions to bring some craft items next day in school. I feel adventure in that. Getting myself dressed up in 2 minutes and rushing to the nearest stationery shop and if that happened to be closed, moving ahead as fast as I can to look for the next shop. More adventure!
I’m the youngest in family amongst my generation. I always got love, care and protection but getting heard and proving my point of view were an adventurous task. I had to plan and present my ideas in a convincing way, sometimes added with expected tantrums, sometimes with unexpected self confidence. It’s surely a fun packed adventure and then comes the feeling of achievement, goal accomplished!
Managing guests at home, going out for the kitty party on the same day and kid’s school test the next day becomes stressful at times but one can assume it to be unplanned journeys on an adventurous trip! And if one is a working woman, its more challenging and more adventurous, I think.
I do not intend to compare adventurous trips out to some interesting place and the daily household experiences. I just want to make myself realise that you are what you feel. Our life is important and it’s not difficult to feel the beauty of life in everything we do. It depends on our perception. Once you start enjoying your work, nothing can stop you from being happy. Life is an adventure. Do not miss the fun!
Happiness, my job
I am a woman, I do many jobs
One of them is, to be happy
Is it a job? Yes, it is, yes it must be, for
I can’t be happy just like that.
All seems fine when I look happy
And it’s my job to ensure all is fine
So I’m happy, yes, I’m happy dear.
Kids feel safe, secured and serene
When I look happy, they can be naughty
And what else is childhood all about.
You can be calm and take some rest
Smile on my face is not just for me
It’s also to tell you, you are doing best.
I love to be chirpy and that is all want
I’m pleased, honoured and proud
my happiness makes them happy
That’s the best emolument for my job.
Words have power. We must have heard this many times. Here, I do not mean what we say to others. I feel that the words affect ourselves too. Long back, I felt that power within myself when I heard the word ‘ibtadaa‘. It’s an urdu word meaning, the beginning. I don’t know the language but the beauty of this word mesmerised me. I could not recollect how and when I got introduced to this word. When I told about it to my father(fathers are usually the first encyclopedia of children), he explained much more than I sought for(he usually used to do so and I loved it always). He was glad that I have found my word, my power.
Ibtadaa, the word itself was powerful enough to take me out of any kind of negativity. It worked for me. It still works . We sometimes look for some fresh start. This word inspired me to do so. It’s like a push button for me. Everyday, we have to face many endings, small ones or sometimes, the big ones. This word equally worked in both scenarios.
Look out for your ‘word’. There is one for each one of us, the word which works for you. Feed yourself with that word power. You will feel like you own that word. The word that is a feeling, that reassures your faith, that does not let you down come what may be, that energises your nerves to get up and show the world your power, your worth, the real you!